I've been having kind of a tough time lately.  And it sucks.  I'm flat broke right now for the first time in a long time.  Until Friday too.  And my roommate is breathing down my neck about overdue bills which I can't pay until Friday.  Relationship-wise, things are weird.  I'm generally uncomfortable right now.  Things with Geoff are weird.  I never wanted things to be that way.  Like one day he'll be totally awesome and we'll hang out for a bit and I'll stay over at his place and whatnot, and then the next day it's like I'm invisible.  I know that's just how he is, according to some people, but he's really hard to read sometimes.  I know we're keeping things casual and all, I'm just ready to give up.  Because I'm not sure that's what I want.  Initially we had to keep things on the downlow because we work together.  Now somehow EVERYONE knows (including coworkers!) and that's when things started getting weird with him.  I didn't think our coworkers knew.  Everyone claims to have seen us walk to his place together multiple times and plus Ray likes to tell people about it as well.  So I guess that's how it happened.  I just feel like crap because I feel like sometimes he tries to avoid me.  I'm tired of trying, really.  He's an awesome guy...I'm just tired of being so unsure of everything.  Things got really awkward on the 4th when Holly (our friend/coworker) kind of came up to me and was like "You need to work things out with Ray.  He's so in love with you.  And we all know about Geoff.  It's so obvious.  You need to stop leading Ray on.  Get rid of both guys."  And I'm just like O_O.  People don't realize how hard this situation is.  I've never had it happen before.  They just assume I broke up with Ray to be mean, or that I broke up with him to get with Geoff.  No, not the case.  Our relationship was over before it was actually OVER.  The chemistry was gone, we fought all the time.  This whole thing has got me stressed out beyond belief.  People are really quick to judge too.  Everyone's like "poor Ray!" and I get the hint that people think I'm this total whore who went from one guy to the next within a matter of days.  I'm not.  People don't take the time to get to know me.  And I wish they did.  I need a vacation, or something.  I'm just tired of being stressed out all the time.  It's probably my own damn fault.  I wish this whole thing never would have happened.  I know Geoff initiated it which was awesome at the time, but now it's just draining my energy.  It's gonna be nice to move out.  I have a small group of people who love me for me, because they have taken the time to get to know me so I'll be hanging out with them to keep my spirits up.  I just feel like I ruin everything lately.

I've decided to move outta my current house due to the fact that I live with my ex (which is weird in itself) and I'm getting weary of having so many roommates, especially 3 boy roommates.  Tony is STILL jobless and annoying as ever.  He was a great friend upon me moving in, but living with him is a completely different story.  He follows me around like a puppy dog and is in his pajamas all day.  Anyway, long story.  Paul is constantly doing something around the house like remodeling or painting, but he's always LOUD.  He blasts his obnoxious obscure indie music and gets drunk and just makes a ton of noise which sucks on work nights.  Sometimes he'll come home at like 3am and cook and bang dishes and pans around.  No bueno.  So I did some asking around and my friend Sarah, who hosts karaoke at the Monkey, wants me to move in with her this month!  It's just down the road about a mile.  Her house is so cute and tiny!  It's just a one bedroom (haha) so she's turning the dining room into her bedroom and giving me the actual bedroom.  Sweet!  Rent is gonna be more expensive, which sucks a lot, but it's only temporary 'cause the lease is up September 30.  Funny thing is that the house is on basically the same street as Geoff's house!  But a different stretch of the same road about a half mile away or something.  Crazy. 

3 day weekend and no plans for the 4th yet!!!!  Usually I'd go to Stephen's lake house which is always awesome, but since Ray and I broke up, I don't see that happening.  Oh well.  I know of maybe ONE friend who is having a BBQ and she lives all the way in Renton and I don't really know anyone else who's going. I got wind of an all-weekend shindig up in Stanwood that Ian and Lauren are going to that involves drunk slip n' slide action (AWESOME) but I wouldn't know too many people there either.  Plus, long ass drive.  Argh.  The plus side is that I get to play softball on sunday, and Sarah is having me over to look at the house, and I can stay out all night for once since I have monday off!  And on monday I'm going to a Mariners game with Geoff and Jen!  Sounds like an awesome time to me.

"Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML"

I really, really wish I could call a friend and talk/vent about this whole ordeal right now.

But most of my friends are either at work or are engaged/in a long term relationship and couldn't relate.

Ray came home from work.  I broke down and told him I've been in a rut all day, and how I thought our friends were acting weird and ganging up on me.

I thought he'd hug me and tell me it's okay like he always does (or used to).

Instead he told me that yeah, our friends think I made a mistake, and HE thinks I made the biggest mistake of my life.  And he's also saying he lied about being "okay" with the fact that I'm seeing someone else now.  He says he feels like he got shot in the heart. 

I don't think I've ever felt more alone in my life.

 

I'm having an awesome day if you couldn't tell.  FML

I hate hormones.
And I want to poop all over relationships.  Or something.
I'm tired of people being OMGSHOCKED!!1 when they find out that Ray and I broke up.  People are acting like it's the end of an era.  I am half expecting our breakup to appear in the tabloids a la Jon + Kate. 

YES we broke up 2 weeks ago.
I KNOW we dated for 2.5 years.
YES I'm doing okay.
NO I didn't break up with him for another guy.
NO we weren't the "perfect couple"!  No one is. Get over it.
YES we're still the best of friends.
YES this is very hard.  On both of us.
YES I am kinda sorta seeing someone else now.
NO nothing scandalous went down.
We.  Broke.  Up.  It fucking happens.

I've been finding out lately that people (mutual friends and such) are fawning over Ray and asking him if he's okay and asking him if he wants to "talk about it" and giving him "advice" and such.  Really?  I know I'm the one who called things off, but it's certainly not a walk in the park.  I didn't do this out of spite.  I love Ray to death.  Really, I do.  He's one of my favorite people in the entire world.  Things just got kind of...stale.  And we fought all the time.  My heart is broken too.  Personally, I'd rather call things off than remain unhappy in a relationship that's sinking like the Titanic.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to hurt anyone, or break anyone's heart.  I'm not a heartless bastard.  I just wish people would talk to me too.  I would love to talk to someone about this.  I have Tony, but he annoys the living bajeezus out of me 90% of the time.  I feel kinda alone in all of this.  I have Geoffy, but outside of work I only see him on the weekends.  And I'm not going to unload baggage onto someone I just started seeing.  Heh.

I guess I'm just a pity pot right now. 

I wish my friends who are also friends with Ray would talk to me too instead of telling me they are weirded out by what's happened.  I'm starting to get paranoid that everyone's labeling me as "the bad guy."  I'm remaining mum about the whole thing for the most part, but if people REALLY want to know the omgjuicydetails they can ask me instead of assuming things. 

Ray told me that one of our mutual friends told him that if he was in Ray's position he'd burn bridges with me.  That hurts.  Because I love our friend (Andy) and if Ray burned bridges with me I wouldn't know what to do with myself.  I just feel like people are pointing fingers at me like I DID THIS BECAUSE I'M SUCH A MEAN PERSON HOW DARE I.  I kind of want to crawl into a hole and stay there. 

I hope this weekend's fun.  I don't want to work at all.  But I have to - friday AND saturday night.  I hate getting my period during 90º weather...

Ray and I had a heart to heart today...

It's not as amicable as I thought.  Now I essentially feel like I've ripped his heart out of his chest, stomped on it and poured acid on it.  I shouldn't feel like that, but I do.  He wasn't ready for things to be over, but I have been for awhile.  All we did was snap at each other and fight and bicker, and there was no spark left - at least on my end.  Today I told him I've been seeing Geoff for several days now.  That sucked, since Ray is friends with him.  He's glad that I was honest though, and it's not like I cheated on him or anything.  He said if he would have found out through other people, he'd be a lot more resentful.  I just hope I'm doing the right thing...I hope things don't blow up in my face.  I'm really, really happy that Geoff and I like each other.  You have no idea!  Especially since I've liked him for awhile, I just never thought about it really since I had a boyfriend and we worked together.  I've known him for 2-3 years and always thought he was adorable.  Then I was hanging out at his house last friday and we were just talking and laughing and he told me I was beautiful and that he wanted to kiss me.  It's crazy.  I was secretly hoping that day would happen and BAM!  It did.  Knocked me off my feet and now I'm weak in the knees.  I had no idea he thought I was beautiful or anything like that...hehe.  It really makes me feel good because I kept thinking for the past week or so "Geoff's so adorable, I wonder if he thinks I'm cute too."  And lo and behold...life works in funny ways.  I just REALLY hope this doesn't blow up in my face and Geoff doesn't want to take things further or something or continue seeing me, 'cause then I'll have no Ray and no Geoffy.  That would suck.  I'd feel like a giant douche.  I hate feelings.  I'm playing this one by ear.

It's 8:16am and I'm all groggy at work but I just saw a certain cute guy with the cutest smile and that makes getting up this early totally worth it :)

P.S. Ray and I broke up.  I know, pretty big news considering we dated for 2.5 years.  I guess the relationship just ran its course. We're still best friends and he's still my roommate (he lives downstairs, I live upstairs haha).

Been awhile.,,

Things are going great, albeit stressful on the money side of things.  I'm not broke by any means, but working two jobs that don't give me very many hours, and paying for rent/bills/groceries/necessities all the time can get tiresome, especially when you really want things you can't afford right now.  I'm great about paying rent and utilities on time here at the house, but I also just plunked down $450 for a new laptop and $250 for a trip to Las Vegas (leaving on Wednesday...yeah!!!!!).  That doesn't leave much much left over for month of April (besides money for rent/bills) but at least I can say I'm buying myself nice things.  I do save.  I don't spend all my shit on shopping sprees.  My sister left me a comment on Facebook that completely rubbed me the wrong way; basically she said that she "doesn't understand how I can possibly afford a vacation AND a laptop AND moving into a new place within one month when I am in debt."  Let's back that train up.  I'm not seriously in debt.  I don't have a credit card.  I owe a couple hundred dollars in outstanding traffic tickets (I think two parking tickets and a ticket for not yielding at a solid green light before taking a left or whatever....lame).  A couple hundred dollars that are not an emergency.  I can certainly pay them off soon.  But right now, I need a vacation.  I needed to get out of my parents' house.  Ray and I have had two friends die in the past year as well as got hit by a car.  What I do with my (saved) money is my business.  My sister went on to say that she "doesn't think it's fair that all these people she knows are in debt yet they waste their money on stupid things like vacations and shopping sprees."  And she "works sooooo hard to stay debt free and puts her priorities in order so she never gets to go on vacation and it's soooooooo not fair!"  I told her she's more than welcome to take a goddamn vacation whenever she wants.  Don't worry about me.  Think about it - if you knew a week from today was going to be your last day on earth, but you were $200 in debt, would you A) slave away at your desk at work to pay as much off as possible before you die or B) use the money you've saved in the bank to go out with a bang on vacation, having fun and not worrying that the world might come crashing down if you don't pay that $200 off before you croak?  Yeah, I'm going with B.  I know, weird analogy.  But that's how different she and I are.

How do you tell a person that you prefer to be left alone during the day without being rude?  Haha.  I have this problem. I've always been this way...during the week I'm at work, dealing with people and customers on the phone all day, so when I come home, all I want to do is just chill out in my room and listen to music by myself (or with Ray, if he's at the house).  My roommate (and friend) Tony is jobless and gets bored during the day, so you can guess what he does as soon as I get home from work... I swear, 10 minutes after I get home and walk into my room, I hear...

*knock knock knock*

At first I thought it was rad to have a built-in-friend living with me and we got to hang out all the time, but now it's just annoying.  I just wanna let my head settle down and chill out, srsly.  So when he knocks I just kind of cringe and roll my eyes because I KNOW that as soon as he comes in, it's never anything important.  This is a perfect example:

*knock knock knock*
Me:  ...Yes...?
Tony:  *comes in* Hey.
Me:  What's up?
Tony:  Not much...whatcha doin'?
Me:  Chillin' out and just going online for a bit.  I'm tired.
Tony:  Gotcha...
Me:  ........
Tony:  *Awkwardly pacing around my room while I continue surfing the web, waiting for him to have something to say*
Me:  How's your day going?
Tony:  It's goin' alright.  I got to talk to (his internet girlfriend) today so that made me happy.  
Me:  Ah.
Tony:  *Looking over my shoulder at my laptop screen* Whatcha lookin' at? 
Me:  I dunno, Youtube videos for now.
Tony:  You should look up such-and-such video!  It's hilarious!
Me:  *rolling eyes internally, as I just want to do my own thing*  Okay, real quick.
Tony:  Okay, well I'm gonna go try to sell more things at such-and-such second hand store.  Be back later!

Am I being a bitch?  Or would that be annoying to other people as well?  He does this multiple times a day.  I am tired of giving hints that I want him to leave 'til I ACTUALLY feel like hanging out later on (such as "Okay, I think I'm gonna take a nap" haha).  I need a do not disturb sign or something.  And he needs a job.  Argh.  I love my friend, but goddamn.

VEGAS IN 5 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm actually excited to fly this time.  After having two friends die from drunk driving accidents, getting hit by a cab and living in a college town (which means lots of 18-22 year olds speeding and driving recklessly as well as lots of bars around which = drunk drivers), I'm done with feeling safe around cars.  Plus you don't get that kind of scenery in a car...

I might get to visit three different states in four days.  Two that I've never been to.  Our first flight stops in Salt Lake City, UT before landing in Las Vegas (NV), and we are probably driving out to the Hoover Dam which would mean we possibly get to go to Arizona too.  I love the desert.  I'm weird :)

So I've been living in my new place for all of 3 days.  It's awesome, it's huge, it's close to everything and my room is rad.  I've got big plans for it since it's kind of ugly decor-wise and the landlord said we can paint/decorate however we want.  Haha people watching from my room is awesome 'cause I'm on the top floor and I can see the intersection of the two streets we live on (we're on a corner) and Roosevelt High School across the street.  So many people out there.

HOWEVER I did not appreciate coming home from work today to find out that our power's been shut off (I'm currently at my parents' on their intarwebz)!!!!  The guy that moved out right before I moved in apparently failed to pay his $700 power bill on time.  Yeah.  And none of this is my fault at all so I'm PISSED!  I just moved in, I kinda would like a house with power and heat!  I hope that douche pays the bill ASAP so I can enjoy my new place in peace.  Gahhhhh!!!  How annoying!  Srsly.  I am not paying any part of a bill that I am not responsible for, mmmkay.

Also, I am amazed at the amount of famous people that went to Roosevelt HS across the street:

Mike McCready (Pearl Jam Guitarist)
Duff McKagan of Guns N' Roses
Sir Mix-a-Lot
Richard Karn aka Al from Home Improvement
Rose McGowan

I originally wrote a huuuuge horking blog yesterday about everything but I think today, since things are definitely looking up, I will post a sweet condensed version.

So yesterday my mom came home and was being rude, as usual, telling me to shut up about something when I wasn't even talking to her (I was talking to the dog! wtf).  I called her out on it, 'cause I was minding my own business (just telling my dog to stop scratching on the door) and it was totally rude of her to just flat out tell me to "shut up."  She got defensive and basically said that because she's in pain (health problems), and menopausal, she has the right to be short and scathing.  I told her that it wasn't fair, and I didn't deserve to be talked to like that, which led to it escalating (why, I don't know...I was in the right and was trying to prevent it from going any further).  That was the last straw for me.  My mom never used to be rude or spiteful until she started menopause.  I understand that being in pain sucks (hello, been hit by a car!) but there is no reason to be mean to other people because you're in pain and have little patience.  So I told myself that night that I was moving out ASAP.  I need to.  Right now, with my current living situation, it's either cranky menopausal emotional wreck of a mom (my house), or a tantrum-throwing 3 year old and a crazy Korean mom in a house with 5 other people and only one bathroom (Ray's house).  So by the grace of (insert deity here), that night, my friend Tony let me know that there was an open house for his old bedroom at a house in the Ravenna/U-district area (north of downtown but still well within city limits).  I immediately rush down there only to find out that NO ONE else has shown up for the open house.  Long story short, I scored a HUGE bedroom in a HUGE old house!!!!!  It's only $425 + utilities.  I could fit a couch and a bed in there and still have plenty of room.  Just how to get a couch and a bed up narrow, windy steep steps to the top floor is the question, haha.  I'm excited.  It's actually my first place on my own where I have my own room and I'm living there for more than a month haha.  Crazy.  I move in this weekend!

Ugh I CANNOT stop coughing.  I hate winter and its sicknesses.  I know mine's just sinus allergies but come on - in winter??  So irritating.  Every customer and co-worker today was like "you sound like you have a cold!" and I'm like gee thanks, but no.  Haha.  Annoyinggggggg.

So Blink 182 got back together, randomly after I almost forgot about them and figured they'd never get back together.  I admit their newer stuff is pretty much lame and sounds nothing like their old stuff but I'm actually excited that they're back!  Hahahahaha I'm such a nerd.  They're touring this summer and I'll totally go if they come here.  Ray and I are blasting Dude Ranch right now and it totally reminds me of high school.  Man, what is it with 2009?  I feel like I'm reverting to the past 'cause I've reconnected with past friends/boyfriends, listened to lots of old bands I hadn't listened to since high school, and I went and saw MxPx and now I'm going to see New Found Glory in April who I haven't seen since iike...2003 or something.  Now Blink 182 is touring again and my friend Tony wants to go see Cobra Starship on April 8...which would also mean seeing Fall Out Boy and METRO STATION HAHAHAHAHA.  Dear lord, I'd have to get really really drunk for that show.  I love Cobra Starship but jesus.  Fall Out Boy is ALMOST tolerable, but Metro Station??  Hahahahaha mannnnnnn I can't wait to get drunk and heckle their sceney fangirls.  Miley Cyrus' brother is the ugliest kid on the face of the planet.  Wow.

Grrrr I wanna go to SXSW but I'd need to get time off work, and that's not looking too good right now since I missed 2 weeks in December to to the accident, and a day and a half recently due to my monster cold (that finally went away, yay). 

Gonna go see Fanboys at Cinerama tonight with the boys hahaha. Should be fun.

Ugh I never get sick.  And if I do, it's ALWAYS in January.  Dammit!  I can't breathe and I'm coughing up a lung.  Good times.

I still can't believe that Matt and I are in touch again.  My heart just feels...I dunno.  Full again?  Even though we're obviously not dating and in love anymore and he's 1,000 miles away I just feel whole again.  As lame as that sounds.  I hadn't talked to him in 5 years.  It just feels crazy.  I want to hang out with him again so bad.  I'm probably going to Cali around April or so to visit my friend Cynthia who just moved to L.A. so, who knows!  That'd be insane.  Ray knows about him and doesn't have a problem with it.  In fact, Ray had a part in me getting the balls to contact him.  He knows that Matt means a lot to me.  

Sigh. 

Ugh I can't believe what I heard on the news.  Ray showed me this link to the news website and it showed a video of a newscast from KING5 talking about how a killer is walking free.

Here's the back story:

On January 3rd, one of Ray's friends, William, was riding around with some friends in a car at night.  They weren't intoxicated or anything, and were just driving down the main stretch of Lake City Way in N. Seattle.  They stopped at a red light, and a BMW rear ended them going about 70 mph.  The driver was drunk (.24 BAC!  wut) and Ray's friend was pinned in the back seat.  He was taken off life support a couple days later.  Ray was really shaken up about it and still misses William very much.

The news is now saying that the drunk driver, who had something like 5 prior records of DUI and reckless driving PLUS a suspended license, made his $75,000 bail.  WHAT.  How the hell that happened I will never know.  Now he's free, and will most likely drive drunk with a suspended license again, cutting more innocent lives short.  It's seriously fucked up.  How is he not in prison?  Just because someone posts bail does not give them a get out of jail free card.  To pour salt in the wound, the driver does not seem very apologetic and just used the excuse "I'm just drunk!" when he was arrested at the scene.  I'm appalled.  I don't think I ever met William, and didn't know him, but it's still making me super upset.  Will was only 19 and he didn't deserve to die.  I dunno...after losing 2 friends in 5 months to drunk driving accidents, it kinda makes me wanna organize a fundraiser or something to benefit anti-drunk driving programs, and help their families out as well.  These deaths are soooo preventable...

So I'm at work and I'm totally coming down with something nasty (it might just be my sinuses but I totally feel like shit).  My supervisor and I were making small talk about how we're both coming down with the crud and not feeling well.  So she decides that she's gonna go home early and leave me in charge 'til 1:00 which is an hour later than I'm supposed to get off.  Super awesome.  And of course once she leaves, everyone else decides to take a lunch at the same time, and I'm stuck answering phones by myself.  And of course the phones totally explode with calls.  Thursdays are normally SUPER dead.  I hate Murphy's Law haha.  But it's not fun when I'm hacking up a lung and my head hurts and I'm exhausted and the phone's ringing off the damn hook.  And of course it's never simple phone calls either, it's people with a billion questions.  And I had people come into the office as well.  I swear, these things never happen when Megan is here, but as soon as she leaves, everything goes crazy and I'm dealing with 5000 things at once! Blahhhhhhhh!  I'm sure I'll feel a little better once I get off in 15 minutes.  Megan told me I only need to work 3 hours tomorrow anyway which is kind of lame since that means I'm not getting any monetary compensation for staying late today.  Rahhh.

I just want to curl up in a ball and pass out.

P.S. I love how my "sick" alien mood icon is puking laser beams.  Hahaha.

I really wish people would research what my company is about before they call us...it's getting old.  I'm tired of answering the phone to people asking me to "help them find section 8 housing" or for advice on getting rid of a rat problem in their house because "my landlord won't help me!"  Arrrgh.  I can't remember if I've posted a similar entry bitching about this but I'm going to post it anyway.  Haha.  My company is an association (read: members only organization) of landlords and property managers.  We are a LANDLORD resource.  Meaning, we provide LANDLORDS (!!!) with background checks for their potential tenants, tons of forms like leases and applications, and we have people who give advice on landlord/tenant laws and things like that.  We do not associate with tenants or potential tenants.  Not because we don't care or don't want to, but that's just not how my company works.  So when you call and ask me to help you find section 8 housing, PLEASE don't get pissy at me because I'm the "10th person who has told you to call someone else."  I had a woman get horribly bitchy at me and ask me "And YOU can't help me WHY??!"  Because that's not what I do!  Nor is it what any of us here at RHA do.  I'm sorry, if I worked for the housing AUTHORITY I would help you.  But we are not the authority.  We are a members-only landlord association.  I don't get why people can't just google us or something before they call, to make sure they're even calling the right people...I hate picking up the phone only to hear someone start in on the issue they have with their landlord without even taking a breath to ask if they've reached the right person to help them.  I had a guy go on for 8 minutes (8 minutes!!) once without letting me interject.  Who does that?!  It's especially funny when they leave us voicemails over the weekend that are like 5 minutes long expecting us to call them back and help them ASAP.  Uhhh not to be rude, but we're not gonna call you back.  At least I'M not, haha.  Just...aaaaaaargh!!  Stop calling.

/end rant.

I can't wait to get my hair done, whenever that will be.  Hopefully soon after I get paid on friday.  I don't really want any length cut off, at all, but I want lots of choppy layers towards the top and I want it red!  Perhaps with highlights as well.  We'll see.  I'm sick of this boring brown.

Haha I'm stretching my ears...totally random but I guess it's because I'm kinda over the facial piercing thing and figured I might as well just modify the piercings I've got.  I'd still get my nose re-pierced but that's about it.  I'm at a 14g right now with lil' tapers in my ears, haha.  I switch up to a 12g at the end of the month.  My goal is a 0g, which is cute and not too big to the point where it looks freaky and ugly...it's maybe a lilttle bigger than the circumfrance (sp?) of a pencil eraser.  It hurts like a bitch to stretch initially but once the tapers are in it feels just dandy.  I should reach a 0g by July or so...

I feel cute today.  I bought two cute shirts at Old Navy for cheap that fit awesome, and some accessories that were practically free (like .99 for a bracelet and 1.99 for a necklace)!!  But seriously, NO ONE has hats anymore.  Not sure if they all got bought up at the beginning of fall/winter but I had to go to like 5 stores to find one!  Probably more than 5 stores...eesh.  I finally found one at Nordstrom for like 16 bucks that is totally cute.  It's a red beret/beanie thing.  Hahahaha went into Barneys New York for the first time ever and everything is seriously over $500.  How retarded.

I saw My Bloody Valentine in 3D and it was...interesting!

That is all.

We're back in contact :)

After 5 long years.  This feels kind of crazy.

When you keep thinking about your ex whom you haven't talked to in 5 years??

I had a dream that I reunited with Matt.  Not necessarily as boyfriend/girlfriend, but just met up somewhere and talked.  I haven't heard from him in almost 5 years.  He was the perfect boyfriend - adorable, funny, a total sweetheart and we liked the same music and had similar interests.  Then he left.  He moved to Arizona for school and decided that it would be best to not have a long distance relationship, because those aren't really fun.  I agreed.  I haven't heard from him since early April of 2004.  According to his Myspace, he's single, living in North Hollywood and working as a sound engineer.  In a music studio.  Awesome.  Part of me just wonders if he ever thinks about me.  Remembering the good times.  I dunno.  If he wonders what I'm up to, how I'm doing.  If he sees my photos on Myspace (or even looks me up) and still thinks I'm pretty.  I should be over someone whom I dated 5 years ago, right?  Especially since I've been dating another great guy for the past 2 of those years.  But I always knew in the back of my mind that it'd be impossible to ever completely be over him.  He left during the prime of our relationship.  He was perfect, we were happy and in love, and then he was gone. 

Now the question is this:  despite not having been in contact for almost 5 years, would it be wise to send him just a friendly "hey, how've you been" on Myspace?  I just really want to know what he's been up to, to talk to him again and be friends (even if we are long distance).  I'm not sure why we lost touch to begin with.  I think he stopped talking to me abruptly because it was hard for him and he wanted to disassociate himself with me so he wouldn't stay attached and prevent himself from leaving and going to school.  Blah.  I just wonder if we'll ever meet face to face again.  That would be almost surreal.  I'd probably burst into tears, honestly.  He was the one that got away.  I'm such a nerd.  I just need some advice...because my dream seemed so real and now I find myself genuinely wanting to get back in touch with him...

Ugh...that Chinese food I ate earlier is still not sitting well 9 hours later...buh.

4-6" of new snow tomorrow night + high winds...interesting! 

I have such bad cabin fever, I'm going crazy.  Not saying I don't love my boyfriend (of course I do) but when we're stuck in a small house, with a small bedroom and everyone's always home (including a 3 year old who throws tantrums every 10 minutes) it tends to wear on you.  His sister does not understand the concept of "indoor voice" and always YELLS WHEN SHE TALKS!!, and his mom still treats us like we're 5.  I know it's a Korean thing but it gets old.  Especially when she asks if I'm hungry and I say "no thanks, not really, I'll eat later" and then argues that I need to eat to get stronger and healthier and proceeds to bring me a big plate of food anyway...And then if I don't finish it because (surprise!) I'm not hungry, she tells Ray that she thinks I never eat and might have a problem.  All I can do is laugh, because i understand it's her culture, but really...if I'm not hungry then I'm not hungry.  And it's usually right after I wake up.  I'm never hungry when I first wake up.  In fact, food that early makes me kinda nauseous.  Anyway. long story short, I can't wait to go back to my own house where everything is clean (Ray's house is a pig sty --_--) and no one really bothers me too much.  My dad is coming down to visit tomorrow and part of me wants to hitch a ride back home with him but then how would I get to wotk on monday?  =P Grrr.  Part of me hopes that work is closed due to the weather on monday anyway.  I don't want to wake up at 5am...I normally get up at 6-6:30 but the roads are snowy and icy so you know traffic is gonna be scary and suck balls.

Man...so much crap has happened in the past week!  However I posted a long-winded blog on Myspace and don't feel like reposting it here.  To make a long story short, Ray and I GOT HIT BY A TAXI.  You heard right!  Clobbered by a cab.  It sounds funny to say but it was one of the most traumatizing things I've ever been through!  I don't recommend it.  HOWEVER it was 100% not our fault and now we get to sue for a butt ton of money to cover our medical bills (in the thousands already, o hay going to th ER in an ambulance), time off work, and "pain and suffering" lol.  Ray still has a broken (broken, not fractured or cracked as initially thought) fibula but at least he won't need surgery now.  I dislocated some knuckles (literally twisted fingers and locked joints!  Mmmm) and I'm still in my damn cast til I can make an appointment to get it off and get some small finger braces hopefully instead.  Cabbie guy is goin' down!  Still hard to believe I (we) got hit by a car...wow...

The weather has been insane!  In the 20s for almost the past week and staying that way.  A couple inches of snow and more coming this weekend.  It's also FREEZING.  We're talking in the teens at night and highs in the 20s, wtf.  It's been 18 years since we had a deep freeze/snow like this.  It always warms up to rain and slushy snow within 24 hrs usually so this is surprising and neat.  I've been at home recouperating for the past week so I've been inside all cozy and just watching it.  Kinda played in it tonight though to get out of the house :)

I totally broke out the Dynamite Boy earlier 'cause I randomly thought of them out of nowhere.  I was obsessed in 12th grade but I never got to see them live, grrr.  They totallyyyy make me think of high school haha.  It had been forever since I gave them a listen.  Ray was convinced they suck but he had never even heard a single song by them...I think it's 'cause the name made him think of Fall Out Boy or something and he thought they'd be similar?  O hellz nah!  After I played 'em he said it wasn't too bad.  Of course they're not!!  They're so damn catchy!!  AND I guess Sean is moving to Seattle of all places so maybe all is not lost, at least here in Sea-Town, heh.  Not sure if that means he'd play any shows here but I just think it's random that he's moving here.  Hahahaha.

ZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZzzzZzzzzz...

Wow, I know, a post!

Soooooooooo...not much new here.  Work is going great actually.  Well the theater is a no-brainer because it's the easiest most laid back job in the world.  But RHA is going awesome actually, and it's funny considering like 2 1/2 months ago I was so worried that I'd fail so hard at my job and no one would like me.  Which is silly to think, because it was friends/acquaintances from the pub who wanted me to work with them in the first place, heh.  I've got most everything down and my shifts are mostly going off without a hitch now.  8-noon is a breeze.  I just hate answering phones.  OMG do I hate answering phones!  I don't mind calls when they're regular members just wanting tenant screening but it seems that more often than not it's some random ass person wanting to run a credit check.  ( More unda da cut 'cause it gets loooong )

To be continued...